The Blue Part of the Picture

So Saturday evening I felt like it was a good time to reflect on somethings under the influence. That evening I took my medicine and turned on a DJ set that I could not wait to play for my friends. I turned on the music and from there I feel as if I blacked out and another spirit took over. I was used as a vessel, I remember using my body, flowing through the moves but having no comprehension of what move was next. Not once did I wonder if I was capable of doing a move, I just did it and it was simply magical. At one point during the set I was on my hands and knees and I broke down crying. The cry was a very deep one, it came from the soul, I don't know what sorrow I've been holding onto but I'm so glad I was able to wail. My soul cry was real, and my friend held my hand through it all, it was beautiful. I thanked her for just being there, which was important to me. The spirit wasn't done with me though as the set flowed I continued to move from sadness to playfulness, to sexiness. I have so many sides, I'm so complex as a human being. Although I'm referring to myself, I'm still referring to the spirit because we are one. There are so many sides of myself that I have yet to explore, and I'm excited to continue doing so. Saturday made me excited about who I am as a person, I'm a powerful, loving, sexual being who just wants to bring a vibe wherever I go. Today I'm hoping I can harness that energy and continue to grow. Today I'm afraid that social media, loneliness, and fear of the future will continue to try to beat me down. Going back to work scares the shit out of me, and depending on going back to work so that I can get my own place is even scarier. Although I would like to stay at my mom's house and continue to work very little. I have to grow and in order for me to get to know those sides of myself that have been oppressed for so long because I've been living in someone else's space won't come out unless I give her the environment to grow in. Sometimes in life, you have to make hard decisions and this is one of them. I'm coping with that and moving forward regardless of my obstacles. Anyway, I thank the universe for blessing me every day, where I realize it in that moment or not.