The Blue Part of the Picture

So Saturday evening I felt like it was a good time to reflect on somethings under the influence. That evening I took my medicine and turned on a DJ set that I could not wait to play for my friends. I turned on the music and from there I feel as if I blacked out and another spirit took over. I was used as a vessel, I remember using my body, flowing through the moves but having no comprehension of what move was next. Not once did I wonder if I was capable of doing a move, I just did it and it was simply magical. At one point during the set I was on my hands and knees and I broke down crying. The cry was a very deep one, it came from the soul, I don't know what sorrow I've been holding onto but I'm so glad I was able to wail. My soul cry was real, and my friend held my hand through it all, it was beautiful. I thanked her for just being there, which was important to me. The spirit wasn't done with me though as the set flowed I continued to move from sadness to playfulness, to sexiness. I have so many sides, I'm so complex as a human being. Although I'm referring to myself, I'm still referring to the spirit because we are one. There are so many sides of myself that I have yet to explore, and I'm excited to continue doing so. Saturday made me excited about who I am as a person, I'm a powerful, loving, sexual being who just wants to bring a vibe wherever I go. Today I'm hoping I can harness that energy and continue to grow. Today I'm afraid that social media, loneliness, and fear of the future will continue to try to beat me down. Going back to work scares the shit out of me, and depending on going back to work so that I can get my own place is even scarier. Although I would like to stay at my mom's house and continue to work very little. I have to grow and in order for me to get to know those sides of myself that have been oppressed for so long because I've been living in someone else's space won't come out unless I give her the environment to grow in. Sometimes in life, you have to make hard decisions and this is one of them. I'm coping with that and moving forward regardless of my obstacles. Anyway, I thank the universe for blessing me every day, where I realize it in that moment or not.

This week has been so horrible... im just tired of people because they have the power to hurt in so many ways

I've been yelled at today my radio and cds have been stolen and my ex boyfriend is a complete asshole to me and im so stressed i dont like to complain but this blog is the only place i can give my oppinion freely without being critized. I just want to go to a place where im completely serene

Just Thinking

Today I found my long lost friend on facebook.We go way back to elementry school i'm so excited to reconnect with him again. Thats my nigga i remember talking to him about anything and everything he was like a brother to me. we went through our ups and downs but at the end of the day we would sit and laugh with each other. Now a day i can't find anything as ginuine as what we had I mean I got bitches but not the ones that you can keep it 100 with all the time. I was thinking about this new guy Keith maybe I was wrong for not giving him any play after the first date but im really not fillin him. I do plan on having sex with him because he works out, 6FT 5INCHES (BIG DICK!) and is aggressive sounds like a good time to me. The only thing is, is that this nigga hella lame but i can live with the flaws as long as im getting fucked. Maybe this state of mind is whats always getting my feelings hurt but i can't help it i love having sex. I just want a guy who is commited to me thats not lame and is ok with having sex as long as we balance it ...oh and smokes weed but spem count is ok(if that even exists). Im definalty still mising richard but i know i can do better i just continue to fall into this trap of lust. Omg im on a emotion rollercoster about life n general i cant wait to get over my adolecent years so i canjust settle down in life ....JUST STAY POSITIVE